Did you binge today? - My thoughts on binge eating

Hey there.

Did you binge today? Don't worry, it's fine...

Not really, it probably sucks right now, but hey! It will be fine.

You probably feel bad mentally and physically. You probably feel bloated, sluggish and energy-less. You're probably feeling guilty right now, awfully guilty. I feel you and completely understand you. You might be feeling lonely and worthless and maybe you don't have a person to talk to about this because your loved ones won't understand... It's ok. We've been there. So, a huge, huge, hug to you because I know in this moment you probably need it.

Your binge may have started like this:

- You stayed strong all day, you passed on all the foods you love. You restricted and felt deprived but still somehow managed to 'stay on track' during the whole day. But then the night came and your strength faded away. You lost it. In that moment you knew you were going to binge, you felt like there was no other possible choice. So you ate and felt so liberated... until you finished bingeing.

- It was a normal day, everything was fine. You arrived at your office and someone offered you a donut. You lost it. You started freaking out, you heart started racing. You tried to convince yourself saying 'I'll just have one donut'. But with the first bite of it you knew what was going to happen. You ate it so fast that you didn't even enjoy it. So you just went for more, and more, and more.

- You woke up feeling anxious. You had no intentions of restricting or dieting today. You were just going to take it easy, but you couldn't stop thinking about food; Deep inside you were planning your next binge. You couldn't decide how to start. Wether having three bowls of that sweet, sugary cereal or a grilled cheese sandwich. Once you had your extra big breakfast, you knew you had lost it. You knew you were going to binge all day long and maybe even the next day.

Overeating comes in different forms, but one of the most terrifying is bingeing because you feel disconnected from the world, you feel numb and sometimes dizzy. You probably feel weirdly happy or even high. And while you're eating you choose not to stop, you don't want to anymore, even knowing how you're going to feel afterwards.

But did you really have a choice? Hell, once you started, probably not.

Actually, bingeing is - as you have probably read all around the internet - a way of coping with your problems. Everybody uses different activities to get away from their problems. But when your 'coping method' causes more problems than it solves, then we have a problem. The urges to binge are strong. And most of the time, impossible to beat. But that does not mean there is no hope to stop bingeing. Because there is a way, I promise. It may not be quick or easy but it is doable... And if you decide to give it a try you're going to live so much better! :)

It is really important being conscious that there's no person to blame for bingeing, or at least, it's no use doing it. There might be things or people to blame but that point of view will take you nowhere. You need not to blame yourself or anybody. How hard would you be with somebody struggling with an eating disorder? - Yes, Binge Eating is recognized as an actual eating disorder - So, don't be so hard at yourself. You should start trying to understand the mechanics that lay under the overeating episodes. There's a lot more you can understand about your behaviors before blaming yourself for the food you're eating. When blaming someone or something is the focus of your thoughts you're dwelling on the past. You need to focus on all the things you can achieve, and not on those bringing you down. Making that simple - yet, not easy - change of mindset can make a really big difference on motivation.

I myself am a binge eater. Or was. I'm not sure yet. But I can guarantee you guys that since I started changing certain thoughts and habits my life has been a lot better. And my life doesn't revolve around food anymore. So here I'm going to explain in details the changes that have helped me improve my quality of life and above all my wellbeing:

** Please note that I am no professional. The tips that I'm writing here are those that have helped me during my journey of overcoming my food obsession. Since they are based on my experience they may not help you as much as they helped me - but I really hope they do! It's always good to see things from different points of view. **


In my opinion there are two main points that need to be attacked when you decide you don't want to binge anymore:

a. The food obsessing: This includes normalizing food, being able to eat according to what your body needs, and learning to ignore the negative thoughts or beliefs that lead to bingeing. Most of the times is all inside your head. You think something like 'oh, I could binge' then you feel like it's going to be good (and terrible at the same time) and in no time your hand is flying towards a cookie. Changing this way of thinking is the hardest part mostly because we have these really strong beliefs installed in our brains that tell us negative affirmations about ourselves. 'I will never stop bingeing', 'I will fall back into it in a week', 'I was born to be fat'. Overeating and binge eating work as a response to those negative thoughts. They are a way to stop thinking about your problems even if you're not conscious of it. If you managed to get rid of those thoughts, would it be easier to slowly stop bingeing? Probably, but then there's our next point;

b. The unhealthy habits: This includes not having regular meals (three meals and two snacks, for example), sleeping just a few hours, not exercising, being un-tidy, etc. Believe me, when you're organized in your daily life binge eating slowly stops becoming an option. Having schedules, proper meal times and being active lowers anxiety levels, therefore, many of the urges to binge. Organizing your daily life is a great way of preventing binge eating. If you make room in your life for healthy habits, you will be kicking out the overeating ones, slowly but probably permanently.


My concrete, practical tips are the following:

- Slow down, make a plan: Are you ready to start a life without binge eating? Visualize yourself without this disorder. Visualize how your life would be, you freer you'd feel. All the plans you could make. Imagine yourself as a powerful person who conquered an eating disorder. It's not easy to achieve so don't expect it to happen overnight. You will need to put everything you can on it. Maybe you won't be healthy by tomorrow morning but you will probably be very different in a few months. Stopping to binge eat can't happen in a minute but I tell you what can: deciding to make a change.

- Set times: Start going to bed earlier and also get up earlier, have enough hours of sleep, it is proved that it helps boosting the metabolism. Then have a healthy breakfast, a mid-morning snack if you need it, lunch, an afternoon snack and dinner. Have your meals on the clock. Never stay hungry for too long because it could lead you to a binge.

- Focus on the possibilities: Keep your ming on what you can do. Chances are you can't run a marathon, but maybe you can walk twenty more minutes a day. Maybe you can't cut all sugar from your diet, but you can stop having soda. It's the same with food, it's always good to stick to healthy eating, but that definitely doesn't mean you can't enjoy what you eat

- Exercise regularly: You don't need to become a professional, you can start just by walking some minutes a day, or you can take classes. The point here is that being active always helps lowering stress levels. In my case, this made a HUGE difference in my life and I swear I used to hate sports. You can always try to stay extra inspired by having someone joining you.

- Stay busy: Having too much time on your hands can be one of the most powerful triggers to a binge. You have time>you feel bored>you start feeling at unease>you cover that with bingeing.

- Manage anxiety: With exercise being one of the best options it's also important that you have hobbies that you truly enjoy. This will also help you becoming a more positive person.


But the three most important concrete tips, in my opinion are the next two:

1. Learn to recognize your triggers: You probably know exactly how an urge to binge feels. Try analyze why you're feeling them. Writing about it is very helpful. Describing when, where, who you were with, if it was a bad day, if you were nervous, if you knew you'd have a family plan later. It all matters. When you recognize the triggers you can actually start to deal with them.

2. See a therapist: Yes, you can try overcoming binge eating on your own and make great progress. But therapists have strategies to tackle all aspects of BED. They will see your problems from another perspective and guide you through recovery. You can learn a lot reading books and on the internet. But don't forget that a therapist studied for years to help people like us. Internet can't give us that real, face-to-face interaction.

3. Don't be hard on yourself: I know I said it before but I just can't say it too many times. Binge eating is an eating disorder. It's not easy to break free from it. So don't be hard on yourself. Yeah, I know saying it is much easier than actually doing it but you have to try. You have to try hard not to be hard on yourself (lol). Be kind to your body. We can make mistakes, let's just not dwell on them. Go for a walk, take a relaxing bath, listen to music. It will be fine.


I really hope this post helps somebody out there, even if it's just one person :) Eating disorders suck. But we are stronger than them. We can do this.

Heading into Blogland...

Hello there.

I've been thinking about starting a blog for quite a while, though there were many things stopping me from doing it, I finally decided.

There are lots of blogs in Blogland. Blogs about fashion, decoration, healthy living, cooking...
But when I needed to find a blog to which I could really relate, I didn't (maybe I didn't search well enough...). So now, that my own struggle is pretty much reaching its end, my experience might be helpful to somebody out there dealing with the same crap I've had to deal. I will openly talk about my problems, and how I've dealt with them. One of my main objectives here is to be as honest as possible, because bloggers sometimes don't really understand how much damage they do when they lie. So, here I go:

I am Pol, 19 years old, and a student. I love writing, reading, singing, cooking and hanging out with my friends and boyfriend. I don't really like my career so I will probably switch to another one soon. I have a cute hamster as a pet and if I wasn't allergic I'd LOVE to have a dog. I love my life right now, but it wasn't always like this. In fact, not at all.

Because I had/have an eating disorder (and many other issues related to it).

Which one? I'm not even sure. I was always overweight, ever since I was a little kid, I never knew what being thin was. I wasn't obese, just chubby, but my self-esteem was low enough for me to decide falling into the deep, deep rabbit hole of eating disorders.

Long story short, I intermittently gained and lost weight for years, until I was 18, got obsessed with it and lost 26 pounds in 5 months. I don't want to over-dramatize my experience, but it was terrible for me: food was the only thing in my mind, I never went out, I didn't enjoy my life, I stopped wanting to live because 'ew-calories'. I became a terribly bitter person and everybody who knew me could sense it. It was pretty stupid because getting thinner was supposed to make me happy, not to change me into this sick, obsessed, manipulative person.

So like most of the obsessed-with-food people, I fell into a bingeing cycle after my restrictive period... that caught me for a whole year. Once again, the only thing I thought about was food. It was terrible. I gained all the weight back. I tried everything but I just couldn't stop bingeing. I felt like I completely lost control of my life. I tried restricting and ended up hardcore bingeing every single time, it was a cycle I had no escape from.

I have always been an anxious person, but all this food-obsession crap skyrocketed my levels of it. It was so bad that I had to run away from many social situations. I was having anxiety crisis all day long, and thinking that people could discover me made me even more anxious. I didn't want to get up in the mornings, I felt like life isn't something worth living, that each day was a struggle and that I would never feel well again.

A relative of mine passed away under dramatic circumstances. It was an accident. She was pregnant. My family and I were crushed. That was when I decided I couldn't keep hurting myself anymore. I just couldn't be that ungrateful. Sometimes you just can't have everything you want the way you want it, and that's life. I decided that if I had and eating disorder or something I just had to fight it, no matter how hard. Because, shit, it really is hard but I just couldn't keep dwelling on how 'unlucky' I was.

So I stared fighting my demons. My anxiety, my low self-esteem, my bingeing, my obsession with food. It's taken me eight months to get where I am today, but I'm finally finding peace. Seeing a therapist was one of the best decisions I could have made. He taught to me try being more balanced, and to understand that being fat doesn't make me less of a person, but he also encouraged me to take proper care of my health, which I think is the best path. You don't need to be skinny, but you do need to take care of yourself. And your shit too.

I can't say I'm 'oh-so-healthy' and 'soooorecovered' because I would be lying. I still have rough moments, I still have bad days. But that's what they are, only moments or days. The most of the time I'm feeling great, wanting to live and ready to keep fighting this crap. I want to look back and think 'I can't believe how much it mattered'. I want to leave this behind so each time I meet somebody I won't have to worry about them finding out how troubled I am. I just want to be ok.

So I'm working toward achieving it! I'm rebuilding my confidence, self-esteem and health. I'm kicking the binges out of my life, and all the crap associated to them. I'm also trying to lose weight so I stay on an average range that makes me feel more confident - and I'm doing it the healthy way! No shortcuts this time!

As I pointed out before, if my experiences helps anybody out there in the world of internet... I'll be satisfied about writing here :)

Hugs to those taking the time to read me,
Pol